I am single. I am not exactly thrilled about it but I am not unhappy about it either. Truth be told, if I could, if I had any say, I would change it today. But I only want the one God has for me.
If I wanted a man, I could make that happen. I am sure if I wanted to widen my prospects, I could make that happen as well. In fact, there are many people who would suggest that since I am single and not exactly happy about it that I should do something.
But I don’t. I don’t date. I don’t go out. I go to work, school, church, the bank and the supermarket – and I don’t hang around either. I take care of business and I am out. So needless to say, the chances of me meeting someone are slim.
I attend a very large church, there are plenty of fine brothers there, I must admit, but I am never there long enough to meet anyone. As soon as service is over, I leave. While finding a husband at my church would be ideal, I am not exactly looking for a date there. Church is my refuge. It’s my sanctuary and my place of refueling. I’d rather not compromise that especially considering I already came pretty close to doing just that. That is an experience I’d rather not repeat.
So why don’t I try harder? Why don’t I exert any effort? It makes sense that I should be pro-active, right? Perhaps.
But here’s the thing. I’ve prayed. I know God has heard my prayer and in time he will answer it. You say faith without works is dead right? True. But I say I have been doing my part. I’ve been applying all the lessons God has been teaching me and I am committed to my spiritual, physical, emotional and mental growth and development and I firmly believe that that is all the work I am required to do. If God leads me to make a move (insert eye roll here), I will, but that’s not even something I believe in.
The book of Proverbs refers to the wife as a gift from God. I am a gift to be given. My only responsibility is to be the gift I already am… not seek, look or chase. My Pastor A.R. Bernard put it so beautifully “there’s no need to chase what you can attract by becoming.” Just be.
It frustrates me to no end to see single women attending marriage conferences. It frustrates me to read articles from other single women detailing what you should be doing while waiting for a husband. It frustrates me to see single women reading books trying to find out why they are still single. And they do this all in the name of preparation, they say – But I say it’s another form of clinging which stems from fear.
I believe God prepares us during certain seasons of our lives for the next season to come. If we live each day in submission, listening, learning and applying – that is all the preparation we need. When David got ready to kill Goliath he knew he had already received training in his normal day to day routine as a shepherd boy, killing lions and bears. He didn’t need giant killing conferences or magazines. God was already one step ahead of him because God knew what was to come.
Day by day I can see how God has been perfecting me. I’ve always been to bossy and too independent for my own good. I even vowed that the part about “obeying” would be removed from my wedding vows because I just wasn’t comfortable with the wording.
After giving my life to Christ however, I had to learn submission. I had to learn to let go of my old ways, my idea of what I think my life should be, listen to his voice and OBEY him. It took a while and some painful lessons but eventually I got it – I think. Now when I think of submitting to my husband it’s not such a foreign concept. Not only that, but because I know the voice of God, I now have enough wisdom to know the kind of man to submit to and I know what that submission should look like. I have been practicing it. I didn’t need to go to a marriage conference or read a book to tell me that, through my own rebuilding and refining process, God showed it to me.
I know there are times the loneliness kicks in and it gets difficult. I am not denying that. But it is essential that in our seasons we find out God’s will for that season and get in alignment with him. I am not saying don’t pray about your desire I am simply saying give it over to God. Rest. Be still.
Stop picking out dresses. Stop attending marriage seminars. Stop praying for him to go on a fast so he can hear God and find you. Stop crying about it. Stop trying to make it happen. God heard your prayers. All 200 of them. It still will not happen before he says it’s time and when it is, he is perfectly capable of bringing your husband to you.
If you find yourself obsessing, think about what it is that is driving your desire. Are you operating from a need or from the truth of who you are? If you’re operating from a need God can fill it. If you’re operating from the truth of who you are and in God’s will, God will bring it to pass. Surrender.
Surrender means you’ve given it to God and you trust him and you trust in the gift you are.
If you’re doing things to make it happen or worrying about when it will happen, you are operating out of fear. Trust in God’s love for you and in his omnipotence and let it go.
I may not be thrilled about being single, but I am at peace. That peace comes from knowing that God is for me and he will not withhold any good thing from me. The husband God has for me will find me wherever I am. And I really never worry that I am not out much because God is perfectly capable of organizing it. The steps of a good man are ordered. He’ll find me – either at work, school, church supermarket or the bank. Hey, you never know.
So why should you stop reading ‘Ten Things You Should Do While You Wait For a Husband Articles? Because you’ve prayed and God heard you. He’s got it. Chill.