Lately, I have been stressing out really hard about an assignment God revealed to me. Since I received this call, I have been having a very real “Moses” moment.. that has been going on for weeks actually.
“God this is too big for me. I don’t know enough. The people doing this have doctorate degrees. I haven’t even graduated college yet. I have no money and I don’t know the right people. I have 60 followers on Twitter. Now is really NOT the right time with EVERYTHING else I have going on. Besides, I may write well but in person I am extremely shy, God are you sure?”
Yes, the urgency in my spirit is direct confirmation that he is sure and If God calls you to it, he will equip you for it… right? Yes. I know this. I have heard it. It’s been proven in the bible from Abraham to Jesus to Paul. But that did little to assuage my fears. In fact, I felt so overwhelmed by my inadequacy that I had use my lunch break to pray and seek God. As I was praying with tears in my eyes, “Father, I have faith in you but….” I heard him say,
“Keciah, it’s not really faith if you have nothing to fear. It’s not really faith if you can see your way clear. It’s not really faith if you have the means to do it and are comfortable with it. If you did, you wouldn’t need me.”
And without faith, it is impossible to please God. Having heard from Him, I was instantly reassured.
But the line that stuck out to me, so much so that I had to write it down, was “It’s really not faith if you have nothing to fear.” After all, faith is developed in the uncertainties, in the areas where we fall short, in the dark places where fear and the possibility of failure is looming.
The story of Abraham is a perfect illustration of faith in uncertainty.
God told Abraham to leave the land of his mother and father and go to a place “I shall tell you of” (no details) and Abraham did so. God told Abraham he would be a father to many nations even though he was past child bearing age and his wife was barren, yet the scriptures tell us in Genesis 15:6, “Abraham believed the Lord and he accounted it to him as righteousness.” Later, we see that God instructed Abraham to sacrifice his promised son, Isaac, and Abraham willingly took the child to offer him up to God. Scripture tells us that Abraham was called a “friend of God”, because he believed God and did as He commanded even when he did not understand.
Truth is fear and faith typically co-exist and the presence of one does not indicate the absence of the other. However, It’s the choice that makes the difference. Do I choose to press forward in spite of my fear or do I cower and run because of it?
It is in these moments that I can truly appreciate the purpose of the Bible in my life. In my uncertainty, I have Abraham as a model, a perfect example of what it looks like when God calls us to do something that is beyond our understanding or beyond the scope of our natural abilities. I have Abraham to refer to whenever I stress about what lies on the other side of my fear – God proved himself faithful to Abraham every single time, and since he is God and he does not change (Malachi 3:6), I have faith he will prove himself righteous and faithful to me as well.
Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Roman 10:17).
So even though I am afraid of the unknown, I am comforted by the these three immutable truths: It is impossible for God to lie (Hebrews 6:18), God is for me so nothing can stand against me (Romans 8:31), and all things (success or failure) ultimately work toward my good (Romans 8:28).
So what do I have to fear? In my own strength – everything. I AM incapable. I do lack the resources and frankly I’m not even smart enough.
But with my faith in God, my hope in his word and my obedience, I know he will make up where I lack and his will shall be done in my life.
Like Abraham, I want to be called a friend of God… such an honor is worth moving beyond my doubts and fears and stretching toward what God has purposed me to do.