Father I come,
Today I am feeling the weight of this walk. Today it is heavy. The process feels burdensome and the road feels so, so long. It seems as though I’ll never scale these mountains. It seems as though I’ll never see green pastures or still waters. It feels as though this sadness and this burden is all I’ll ever know.
Today, Lord. Today is hard.
I feel displaced. I feel disconnected. I feel out of sync with my self. The vision, the hope, the circumstance, the promise- Nothing is connecting. Nothing makes sense.
The hope on the inside and the reality of the outside – both are constantly at war.
Some days I can balance them both but on days like today, when life feels so, so cold, it’s hard. And I’m fighting not to give in to what I see because the reality is no matter what I feel, no matter what I believe this is what I wake up to. Every single day.
And it’s not that I don’t believe you. In fact, to be honest, this would be much easier if I didn’t. But I do believe you and because I believe you, I hope. I hope with earnest expectation but day by day reality eats at that hope. And everyday that my hope takes a blow, it gets that much harder to endure.
It’s your word that causes me to endure – your word and your promise. It is my strength in my affliction. But today… I took a hit today.
So I come.
I come, Lord.
Give me more strength for the journey. Renew me. Revitalize me. Restore my hope and my joy. Restore my peace.
Step into my confusion and my darkness.
Fill me with the light of you again.
I love you.