Single… And NOT Looking

At My Scholarship Award Dinner. God is Awesome
At My Scholarship Award Dinner with my mentor Professor Siegel. God is Awesome!

No it doesn’t mean I am closed off or bitter. Read on 🙂

My sister and I were having a conversation about me not dating. I turn everybody down. I don’t give my number out, don’t accept any and I pretty much stay indoors as best as I can. So she asked me why (as she does on a consistent basis) and each time I give her a different answer that sounds reasonable: I’m too busy, he’s not saved, he parties a lot… and the list goes on. Truth is, I just didn’t know how to tell her that I had a word from God and dating just isn’t in his plans for me right now. There are just some things that are hard to explain… especially spiritual things.

However, truthfully speaking, there was a time in my life, about a year and a half ago, where I was really stressing God for a husband. I made a husband list, prayed over it, put the list under my pillow, put it in my bible, brought it to church… anywhere I felt like I could place it to make it happen for me ASAP. Before you know it, I was telling myself that I am expecting him in faith, and so every brother that walked by me was possibly “him”.

It was stressful… and caused me to entertain some fakes. The more nothing happened, the more earnest my prayers became.

But as I continued to grow closer to God I learned one very important lesson, God is not really so concerned about what we want or what we are to have as he is concerned about WHO we are to become. It is nothing for God to open up his hands and hand us anything. He actually wants us to have the desires of our hearts. But he will not do it at the expense of who we are to become in him. As I looked back I realized, since the day I gave my life to him, he has been working in me to mold me into ALL that he has created me to be. Therefore, I needed to align with him and let that be my focus. With that lesson planted in my heart, I learned to let go and surrender. And day by day God’s love for me and plans for me are so crystal clear that I have no doubt that, in time, all things ordained for me will find me… husband included.

My love for landscape photography is becoming an obession
My love for landscape photography is becoming an obsession

Even in this very difficult transition I have found myself in, truth is I have never known such peace and joy. I’ve fallen deeper in love with God and am falling deeper in love with myself – it’s like unearthing a treasure. Day by day I discover something else I am good at or passionate about and day by day I find out how deep God’s love for me is. I never even thought it possible to experience this level of relationship with a God I cannot see. Yet it is even more real to me than this keyboard I am tapping away at.

While I don’t consider myself waiting or looking for a husband, I sure do desire to be married in God’s time. Add to that the fact that I think marriage is just one of those things you want to leave all up to God. Because when we make a wrong choice or find ourselves manipulating outcomes, trying to get a man to pay attention to us or see our value, it doesn’t last –  and then we’re left picking up the pieces.

Been there… done that and got the t-shirt. I’ve spent far too much time outside of the will of God, and its not nice out there, believe me.

Besides, I have so much going on right now and there is still so much more that God needs me to do. My only prayer, in this season, is to stay focused on finishing this course and making it to the other side. Whatever awaits me there, I will welcome it. Until then, I seek only the kingdom of God and whatever else he wants me to have, he will add it onto me.



10 thoughts on “Single… And NOT Looking

  1. Brenda Hood

    Thank you so much for this post. It expresses my feeling exactly. Being divorced 4 years after a lengthy unhappy marriage that I choose without consulting God and dating for fear of being alone, I have come to the place I am now. Single and happy. Letting God lead the journey. And if it is to remain single or with a partner that He chooses I am truly blessed.


  2. Salimah Taylor

    I soo love this post. I was once is this state of mind loving and learning me not dating; but got sidetracked. No I’m back on. Had to visit your blog.


  3. Love-love

    Thanks for this blog that you made.. I was inspired also to wait on God. I’m a medical student and turning 27 by the end of the year and right now Im really filled up with my studies and all stuff in med school that sometimes I wonder if I will still be able to find a mate amidst all the hectic schedule I have. I’ve been through a failed relationship before and it really was a disaster and a torture emotionally and literally I’ve been in a situation where in I was really picking up pieces of me one by one that everyday becomes a struggle of everything… only because I was in a haste before to be in a I know better and like everyone else I’m also single..and praying that God’s purpose will prevail and eventually will manifest in my life. I also desire to know God more and be intimate with Him at all times. Sometimes I got depressed but I know that God wants me to patience is being tried and day by day I am also learning. Yes indeed… nothing is impossible for with GOD everything is possible. May your life be a blessing also as I was blessed by reading this blog. Have a great day!


  4. I went thru the same things yrs ago, really stressing about having a man. But I love what you said, God is more concerned with who we are becoming as opposed to who we are dating.

    But now, happily I am in a much better place! I am like you discovering so many new gifts, talents and interests I didn’t even know I had that a man is not my focus. I can honestly say that I am ok w/ whatever kind of life God wants me to live from here on out. If I never get married that’s OK, I am determined to have a happy, beautiful and full life with or without marriage and/or kids. I’ve reached a place where I’m growing spiritually and personally and I have so much JOY. A man is not my focus, God is and I am in love w/ Him. Seems kinda crazy but it’s true. When I see the things He’s done for me… my.

    My Pastor says is that a lot of singles make poor choices in dating due to a lack of purpose. He says focus on your purpose and the right people, husband included will likely line up w/ that. So the both of you could very much have a burning desire for a common interest. What a beautiful union that would be! I really love this post, it’s ministered to me and it’s nice to know others are on the same path!

    Life is so much more than having a man. As women we’re often tempted to determine our worth by whether we have a man or not. This is so inaccurate. We are ALL complete in Christ, meaning we are lacking NO GOOD THING (nothing). If you work out this thing w/ God He will show you that.


  5. Pingback: On Dating – Why I Don’t and Why You Should or Shouldn’t | We Are Black Diamonds

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