(As seen on The Praying Woman. I wrote this specifically for women but I know that the reverse happens as well. It is important to note that I by no means meant to imply that as long as a man says you are his wife, then it is set in stone. Men have also been misinformed by their flesh. If God ordains a union, he will reveal it to both and there will be mutual interest and investment.)

There was this fine brother in my church I had my eye on. The first time I saw him, I was touched. It was in praise and worship, he had his hands and head held high and tears running down his cheeks. I remember thinking that was the most beautiful picture of a man I had ever seen. The image of him stayed with me long after service was over. Week after week I would watch him, he was usually in the same place and not hard to spot.

After a few weeks of watching him, I had a dream of a man holding my left hand and I was wearing a beautiful wedding ring. I looked up at the man, and it was him. I wasn’t sure if the dream had any significance but I was praying to God for a husband so this could have been the answer. Problem is, I didn’t even know his name. However, one Saturday night, while scrolling through my church’s Facebook page, I found him. Not only was he fine, he was single and his credentials were impressive.

I started praying about the dream. God are you trying to tell me this is the man I will marry? I was sure I heard God say yes. I was certain of it. So week after week I waited with anticipation for him to approach me, notice me. Nothing. In fact, the man almost never looked up, down or around.

A few months passed and I found out that another sister in church had the same “revelation”. And then another one.

Surely they were wrong. God told me. He gave me that dream. They were simply lusting after him. But after much unrest- and eyeing one of the sisters sideways in church- it hit me. God is not the author of confusion. And the poor guy couldn’t possibly be a husband to all of us.

I was hurt. I had taken ownership of this man in my mind and that deflated hope hurt as bad as if someone had actually broken up with me.

It was painful because, either God lied to me or whoever I had been hearing from was not God – both scenarios were troubling. Now it is impossible for God to lie, so clearly the problem was with me.

Sadly, this is not just my story. Simply Google ‘God told me he is my husband’ and you will get a very clear picture of what I am talking about. Until it happened to me, I didn’t even know that many single women in church struggle with this, most times privately.

Sometimes we can want something so bad, our minds will deceive us.

I am glad God revealed it to me before I did something crazy and embarrassed myself because after months of nothing happening, I’m pretty sure I would’ve eventually convinced myself I was supposed to make the first move. And if he rejected me, I probably would be looking for another church.

I know it hurts to hear me say this: But if you thought God told you that man is your husband, I guarantee you he did not –  your flesh did.

God is the same yesterday, today and forevermore. There are no biblical accounts of God revealing to any woman whom she would marry. He gave us the ultimate model in the Garden of Eden when he first created AND equipped Adam, then he put Adam to sleep and from his rib created Eve. God then presented her to him and Adam recognized her as his wife.

The man God has chosen for you will know you. That man you are longing after – surrender it to God.

God would not put you in a position to become distracted by a man that is oblivious to your feelings or, as was my case, your existence. He simply would not have you go through that. It is purposeless and fruitless and not consistent with the loving, purposeful God that he is. Why would he give you such details, causing you to watch, wait and wrestle needlessly? Our emotions and our feelings are valuable to God. You deserve much more than to be caught up in some man who isn’t nurturing or returning those feelings. AND God is a jealous God. He will not share your attention with a man who isn’t even noticing you.

God loves us women so much, he did not bring us into the world until everything was prepared for us. He will first prepare and equip a man for you, then present you to him. He will never present the man to you for you to chase him, convince him or drop hints to him. That is out of alignment with his word and his way.

There was no divine revelation, you simply have a crush.

All the biblical accounts of marriage prove God is pretty invested. When your time comes, he will make it happen. The husband he has for you will pursue you and his words and actions will be in alignment so you won’t have to guess.

The walk with God is a faith walk, rarely does he give us details. Relinquish the need to know who. Let God surprise you.

Selah.