I woke up this morning at 4:00 am to a bubbly seven year old, bursting at the seams with excitement, ready to open his gifts. I usually look forward to the joy on his face when he rips open a package and sees something he’s been wishing for all year. The thank yous and hugs that follow, coupled with the “you’re the best mommy in the world!” proclamation, is truly gratifying. We took our pictures, made a home video then I left him with his toys and tried to get some sleep.
I went back to bed feeling warm and fuzzy, thanking God that I was able to make my baby happy. It’s been a rough year in every aspect, but in all things I have been fully protected and provided for by God. For all the gifts He has given me – His Son, my son… His Life, my life – what could I gift him in return?
What could I possibly offer Him that would do justice to the magnificent God that He is? It just seemed like thank you wasn’t enough, and my praise wasn’t enough. Such a perfect love from such a perfect God – it just feels like my menial understanding and expression of love could never suffice.
And the truth is it never will.
But maybe, just maybe, my gift to him can be my life. Not just because I’m saved but because I live a life in service to him and to you – my sisters and brothers. I must admit, I am incredibly gifted. There was a time in my life when I would be afraid to say that for fear of sounding arrogant or thinking more of myself than I really am. But on my spiritual journey I discovered that to deny that would be a disservice to myself, to the world and a lack of gratitude to God. I also discovered that my gifts from God are not mine to keep.
When I created this blog, I needed a place to vent and to process as I was feeling the lack of a like minded person in my life to fellowship with. Being alone, there was a lot that I was holding in, but simply venting and complaining didn’t feel purposeful or truthful. So I decided to conquer my pain by using the blog to show that life can be really pain filled and fruitless at times, but there’s purpose in every season and God is just as invested whether I was being abased or abounding. No matter how hurt I was, I believed that to be true so I wanted to share that with someone else in hopes that I could help to change their perspective and help them stay diligent in tough times. Help them move from pain to promise – just like I am. My journey may have started in pain but with purpose I know it leads to promise. I believe that so wholeheartedly that I wanted to document the journey and share it.
The reception from the readers has been rewarding – never did I think so many would read and even write to me or email me to say how my words have helped them. Every Facebook message, every comment encourages me to push harder – to love and to serve the world with the gifts I have been given.
With that I believe God is pleased.
“For God so loved the world that He gave…” He gave me gifts to lift up and edify his people. I will not rob him. I will offer my life in service as my gift to him. The fullness of that remains to be seen but I am faithful and hopeful.
We are all uniquely gifted for a divine purpose. It is a serious injustice to self, to God and to the world to not use those gifts, offer them to the world and discover that purpose. Give your gifts. The world needs them.
After all, this is why we’ve come – to give and to serve. A life lived in obedience to God and in service to others is a gift to God I am sure he is pleased with.
Merry Christmas to all!