I have been trying to make sense of all the things that have happened to me this previous year. It’s been a painful year. One filled with many disappointments and many setbacks but I know in the deepest, most sacred parts of me that I have been strengthened, enlightened and made new. I know it because I think differently about life, I see things differently, I’m more appreciative, more sympathetic and more aware in a way that I could never have been otherwise.
I am sure this was your plan. I am sure that if any brokenness needed to take place it was so that it would take me to a higher consciousness and to a deeper place of love. I am sure it was only so that my old self could die, so that my ego and fear based thoughts would die, it was so my old ways could die to give life to the real me – the spiritual me. The child of God me. The me you formed before eternity. The me you created for a divine purpose and with a specific intent in mind.
Father, I am not saying I have attained. I am not saying I am now everything you had in mind. I am not even saying that I have “passed the test”. But I am saying that I get it.
With my whole heart I get it. And I am committed to your purpose. Search my heart. If it were not true, surely you would know.
I AM saying that I understand I had to go through what happened so I could grow. I am saying I understand some things I needed to atone for and I know some things I needed to let go. I am saying that I am your child and I am here: arms and heart outstretched, ready to love and to serve. Ready for my divine assignment, and I am saying with my current trouble there is no way I can focus on what you would have me to do.
So I am saying: I declare it over. I declare it finished. I will not remain in Lo Debar not one minute longer than is necessary. Jesus said he came so that I could have abundant life. I am claiming it. I am owning it. I have packed up the tent I pitched and I am leaving. This is not real. There is no way that is this my real life. There is no way that THIS is the life you have ordained for me to live. It just cannot be so. I choose to believe that all of us must at some point endure suffering. I choose to believe suffering serves a purpose. I believe I got my lesson and there is no more need for mine.
I return to my natural state of wealth, abundance and happiness. I return to my natural state of love. I choose to believe that miracles are making their way to me, that I did my time and the freedom I feel inside of me, the wealth I feel inside of me, the love I feel inside of me, is an indication that this is over and it is now ready to manifest in the physical realm. I am a child of God. Wealth is my nature. Abundance is my birthright. I believe this suffering is over. Here in this divine moment, the past can no longer touch me, and all good things ordained for me are on their way to me, as I pray.
Father, I need you. I surrender all to you. I ask you to do for me what you know I cannot do for myself. I believe the way is made and it is already done. Align my thoughts with yours. Align my ways with yours. Fill me with your vision for me and give me the will, the courage and the wisdom to execute as you instruct.
I rely on your divine guidance.
I live, walk, breathe, move in your love. Amen.